Growth is an uncomfortable, sometimes painful, process. I seem to be becoming more and more aware of this as I actively pursue growth.
So, why do I do this? Why do I continue to make myself uncomfortable and stretched and vulnerable?
Because I am absolutely sure I can be a better version of me. That’s not negative self-talk. It’s just my truth. I can be better. I can be a better me. Certainly I can be a better mother and a better wife, but those roles are not what define me. I am more than those roles. I am more than a pharmacist. or a skin care gal. or any of other words you may use to describe me. I am called to do more. be more. be better.
So I push forward. I feel into pain. Breathe through it. Study it. Run away for a bit. Then come back. Try to let it go. Because I want to do good while I am here. I want to be a servant of God. Of the universe. For the greater good of all.
Is that goal lofty? Yes. Maybe a little cuckoo to some of you? Probably.
And that’s okay. I had an epiphany today: It’s okay that not everyone likes me.
That might seem ridiculous to you, but this has been a huge limiting belief for me. That people do not like me. In my heart, this has plagued me. for years. probably since elementary school, when I made some bad jokes at a friend’s expense and wound up in the principal’s office. or when I was called bossy. or the mean things girls say to each other growing up. I had this unrelenting inner monologue of ‘people don’t like you, brandi. they don’t.’ During a chat today, I also heard that I tend to think that I’m bad. and that sucks, too. and THAT is negative self talk.
So. I wrote a long, raw story about all the times those stories were present in my life. the memories where they seem to shine through. and then I let God or my inner voice or whatever it is, provide me with some wisdom. and then I put on some Lauren Daigle and danced that shit out. Of course “Look Up, Child” came on first. Because that is my JAM!
And then I decided to change those shitty stories that have been on repeat in this head of mine.
When I hear “I am bad” I reply with the contrary. “I am good. I was made in His image.”
When I hear “People don’t like me” I reply with “The people that I can help like me. The people I am here for will love me.”
This is day 1. Will this work tomorrow? I hope so. Will I have to continue reminding myself of this? Definitely. But… Eventually. Eventually this mantra, this affirmation, will replace the former. And I will be better. I will breathe more fully and find more calm.
Do you have limiting beliefs that are weighing you down? Stories that do nothing but hold you back? I encourage you to feel into them, and re-write that script. You deserve better. You just do.
And can I say that sometimes growth requires a spotter? Someone that can help lift that weight when it’s a little too heavy. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a counselor or a friend or a pastor or God. Because some of this stuff is SO heavy. It can feel like you are drowning. Physically drowning. You never have to face these things alone, you know. Even if you are flying solo physically, you can always ask for help from Him or the universe (whichever resonates with you).