On Saturday morning after a few too many drinks the night before, I started thinking about how mean I am to myself.
I realized that if I said those things to anyone else, I would apologize. Because I am mean to me quite frequently. So here is that letter.
It’s me. Who is also you, only meaner. 😞
I’m sorry for putting you down all the time. I see you hiding back there, because you don’t know if you can trust me.
I get it. I wouldn’t know if I could trust me either.
You’re pretty great, ya know that?
You try so hard to be a good mother and wife. You realize when you make mistakes and try to rectify them, and then I won’t let you forget it. I’m sorry for that. You’re doing great. They know how much you love them… an infinite amount. And they love you, too — “to everywhere and back.”
You really want to feel good about yourself, and I’m always cutting you down with comments on your weight and pant size… and post-baby belly. I’m sorry for that as well. I know your body has grown three babies. That is AMAZING! For real. You’ve ran 2 half-marathons and you are doing PT so you can get back out there. You eat healthy and try to be a good example for your littles. You’re doing great! Keep going. You are strong and capable of whatever you want to do!
You want to do something big with your life, but you’re not sure what. I’ve made you so scared to make a mistake, that you are hesitant to even try new things. Quit listening to me! I put you down because I’m fearful. But you were not made for monotony. Seek adventure. Chase your dreams. You can do it! Whatever ‘it’ is. Go for it, Brandi. I have faith in you!
That little girl with the big heart and the quick smile is still in there. Bring her back. Be happy and strong and have FUN! Life is too short for this hiding.
I love you, B. You are flawed, but everyone is. God made you and who am I to keep holding you back?
Smile, girl, and fly.
When I was thinking about this, I could also imagine little Brandi peeking her head out from behind a tree. By the end, she was smiling and joyful.
This might sound a little out there, but consider writing yourself a letter of apology. If we want kindness to spread, we should probably start with ourselves.
Thanks for reading,