For the past few years, I have been praying for a clear path. For guidance on what I should be doing with my life.
I have never been very engaged in organized religion, but I have always believed in God. I prayed often, but I had alot of questions. Were questions okay? If I asked a hard question that made people uncomfortable, would people get offended? Get angry? I didn’t know.
I grew up Catholic in a small town. Hell and purgatory seemed like very real options. God was a person to fear, who also had alot of rules. But He would also forgive your sins through Confession. And sometimes I heard of how loving He is. This combination led to a lot of confusion. Perceived judgement from other Christians and issues with certain beliefs ultimately led us to quit going to church altogether.
I actually went to a Catholic college for undergrad. Basketball is what led me there ( #golancers ), but I truly enjoyed the religious classes. Some of the nuns were amazing. Very down to earth, with a strong faith, and a desire to do good. I loved learning the beginnings of Christianity and the reasoning behind some of the traditions. I chose to get confirmed.
After college, I was unable to find a church that felt as real to me as MMC did. I wandered away again.
Within the past year, I started coming back to God after reading some books by Jen Hatmaker. I read some devotionals. I read more Jen Hatmaker. And suddenly, I was excited about Jesus. I was interested and engaged. I was happy that Jen (we’re on a 1st name basis now, obviously) made it okay to question things about God. About Christianity. About everything. Because I like science. I am curious. And I cannot sign onto something if I do not agree with all of it.
And during this time of prayer and my continued requests for guidance, I felt a nudge to read the bible and write about it. I’ve been reading the New Testament and doing research on some inflammatory passages. And I think it’s time to Listen. I’m not ready to follow His other nudge, but I’m going to lean with this one.
I’m not sure what this will look like or how well it will be received, but I’m going to give it a shot.
Hope you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend!